Saturday, March 28, 2009
sometimes i wanna surrender and just give up...
nobody's accepting me. suddenly,
i don't like anyone in this world anymore.
why is it that others can ask me for help, but i can't ask them.
i need to slap somebody. real hard. in the face. maybe that someone's me.
parents teachers meeting. mrs soh told my mother that i wasn't cooperating in SO. since when? didn't mrs tham just tell the seniors, in their faces, that my attitude in helping my juniors was good, and that they should follow? why, i would ask, rhetorically because nobody would bother explaining the logic behind. she then told my mom that i was sleeping in class. but has she ever thought that i, a person who has been sleeping at 1.30am due to projects this whole week, needs enough sleep to survive as well? Even science will tell you, lesser rapid eye movement=eye concentration getting tired and lazy=lesser haemoglobin to be delivered to the eye veins=lesser energy=message delivered to brain that eyes are tired=function: fall asleep in class. Its my own theory, or common sense you would call it, that i managed to explain it in this manner. but, my main point of the arguement is.
what on earth did i do wrong? was i wrong, to try to grasp as much sleep as possible that i would need to stay healthy, despite 5 hours of violin practise everyday? was i wrong, to defend myself infront of my seniors so i wouldn't have to surrender myself to them? was i wrong, to teach my juniors tactics on how to play the violin?
why tell my mother why. i don't think i ever want to talk to mrs soh ever again, after what my mother made me go through. its not because i'm humiliated, or ashamed, but...i feel betrayed. by mrs tham. by mrs soh. by my seniors. the pain i had been enduring for the past 1.5 years was not amusing, it was torture. but what was i supposed to do? i couldn't tell anyone because nobody would take me seriously. tell me, what am i supposed to do that is deemed by them to be RIGHT. so righteous that i have to throw my sanity and human instincts aside...
maybe i should shut myself from the outside world. then people would look at me with the same perspective my mom looked at me at: a quiet and obedient girl. that is, when i shut myself out of their world.
forget it, the stress is taking a toll on me, dont wanna blog anymore. btw, don't msn me unnecessarily cos i found out my mother reads my msn messages when i'm showering, and she reads my text messages in my phone when i'm sleeping.
nobody's accepting me. suddenly,
i don't like anyone in this world anymore.
why is it that others can ask me for help, but i can't ask them.
i need to slap somebody. real hard. in the face. maybe that someone's me.
parents teachers meeting. mrs soh told my mother that i wasn't cooperating in SO. since when? didn't mrs tham just tell the seniors, in their faces, that my attitude in helping my juniors was good, and that they should follow? why, i would ask, rhetorically because nobody would bother explaining the logic behind. she then told my mom that i was sleeping in class. but has she ever thought that i, a person who has been sleeping at 1.30am due to projects this whole week, needs enough sleep to survive as well? Even science will tell you, lesser rapid eye movement=eye concentration getting tired and lazy=lesser haemoglobin to be delivered to the eye veins=lesser energy=message delivered to brain that eyes are tired=function: fall asleep in class. Its my own theory, or common sense you would call it, that i managed to explain it in this manner. but, my main point of the arguement is.
what on earth did i do wrong? was i wrong, to try to grasp as much sleep as possible that i would need to stay healthy, despite 5 hours of violin practise everyday? was i wrong, to defend myself infront of my seniors so i wouldn't have to surrender myself to them? was i wrong, to teach my juniors tactics on how to play the violin?
why tell my mother why. i don't think i ever want to talk to mrs soh ever again, after what my mother made me go through. its not because i'm humiliated, or ashamed, but...i feel betrayed. by mrs tham. by mrs soh. by my seniors. the pain i had been enduring for the past 1.5 years was not amusing, it was torture. but what was i supposed to do? i couldn't tell anyone because nobody would take me seriously. tell me, what am i supposed to do that is deemed by them to be RIGHT. so righteous that i have to throw my sanity and human instincts aside...
maybe i should shut myself from the outside world. then people would look at me with the same perspective my mom looked at me at: a quiet and obedient girl. that is, when i shut myself out of their world.
forget it, the stress is taking a toll on me, dont wanna blog anymore. btw, don't msn me unnecessarily cos i found out my mother reads my msn messages when i'm showering, and she reads my text messages in my phone when i'm sleeping.
何時も同じな空の下で笑えるからさ, 8:25 pm.
