Thursday, June 04, 2009
i've always felt that i have a talent for making people older than me angry. whether its seniors, or teachers, or...other old people. soon i'll be old too. :X
but i think i'm just straightforward. not blunt, but straightforward. when i was young, i would just tell people in the face that they were doing something wrong. even my mother said so haha. like she told me when i was still in nursery, and my sis in kindergarten, my sis'd get bullied by some secondary school rebels in the playground. then i'd just scream at them and scold them using...baby words. cos i couldnt talk hahaha, it probably sounded retarded like "yaba jajapa!" or something of that sort. but this leads me to the point: people dont like hearing the truth. and i havent totally learnt to master the skill of keeping my mouth shut. i realised this in primary school when i got scolded for saying something. would you tell someone in the face that he/she's bossy? then you would have to reflect as well, cos it'd be bossy of you to tell him/her that they're bossy. Singaporeans just save this trouble, and keep. quiet.
"i've to act like some despo for an hour."
"you dont have to act, you just have to be yourself"
yeah i'm sorta hurt. used to be very hurt, i got over it. but its this kind of people that make you want to become a better person.
i think after all that has happened this week, i've made some things clear to myself. i need to be less sensitive to snide remarks, less talkative and open to people that i'm not very familiar with, and of course, more independant. i cant rely on anyone to fight for my stand. Being fierce and confident is important to be able to socialise with all sorts of...people. but as for my straightforwardness, i'm not getting rid of it. stubborn as it seems, i dont like it when people dont get my point and think i'm dumb and scorn at me behind me back. neither do i like the feeling of being dumb and less worthy >___< right now, its too bad for me. but sooner or later, i'll make sure all of it'll become cold hard FACTS. :) that i can be smart, independant, capable and worthy of your time to read this blogpost.
i suddenly remember JSC last year. i was so relieved i 1)made the time limit 2)didnt make any mistakes. then when it was time for the prize presentations...i got last place. i almost cried on stage. i thought i was being too egoistic, too confident over limitation of my own abilities. i just took the prize, went down the stage and heaved a deep breath. "why'm i so stupid..." then suddenly...
"it seems like i have made a mistake. i am SO sorry to contestant number 5. you got second place" i almost shot the emcee from the embarrasment he caused. but at the same time, i was really really really happy. i'm glad i didn't shoot him.
this year, the competition's suffocatingly high, the heat's on but its just getting fun. no matter how saddistic this sounds, ganbare. xD
hopefully this blogpost was more interesting. i shall create a blog to rant and rave. and i shall stop wearing skirts on a particular day of the week.
jyaaa, ne! <3
but i think i'm just straightforward. not blunt, but straightforward. when i was young, i would just tell people in the face that they were doing something wrong. even my mother said so haha. like she told me when i was still in nursery, and my sis in kindergarten, my sis'd get bullied by some secondary school rebels in the playground. then i'd just scream at them and scold them using...baby words. cos i couldnt talk hahaha, it probably sounded retarded like "yaba jajapa!" or something of that sort. but this leads me to the point: people dont like hearing the truth. and i havent totally learnt to master the skill of keeping my mouth shut. i realised this in primary school when i got scolded for saying something. would you tell someone in the face that he/she's bossy? then you would have to reflect as well, cos it'd be bossy of you to tell him/her that they're bossy. Singaporeans just save this trouble, and keep. quiet.
"i've to act like some despo for an hour."
"you dont have to act, you just have to be yourself"
yeah i'm sorta hurt. used to be very hurt, i got over it. but its this kind of people that make you want to become a better person.
i think after all that has happened this week, i've made some things clear to myself. i need to be less sensitive to snide remarks, less talkative and open to people that i'm not very familiar with, and of course, more independant. i cant rely on anyone to fight for my stand. Being fierce and confident is important to be able to socialise with all sorts of...people. but as for my straightforwardness, i'm not getting rid of it. stubborn as it seems, i dont like it when people dont get my point and think i'm dumb and scorn at me behind me back. neither do i like the feeling of being dumb and less worthy >___< right now, its too bad for me. but sooner or later, i'll make sure all of it'll become cold hard FACTS. :) that i can be smart, independant, capable and worthy of your time to read this blogpost.
i suddenly remember JSC last year. i was so relieved i 1)made the time limit 2)didnt make any mistakes. then when it was time for the prize presentations...i got last place. i almost cried on stage. i thought i was being too egoistic, too confident over limitation of my own abilities. i just took the prize, went down the stage and heaved a deep breath. "why'm i so stupid..." then suddenly...
"it seems like i have made a mistake. i am SO sorry to contestant number 5. you got second place" i almost shot the emcee from the embarrasment he caused. but at the same time, i was really really really happy. i'm glad i didn't shoot him.
this year, the competition's suffocatingly high, the heat's on but its just getting fun. no matter how saddistic this sounds, ganbare. xD
hopefully this blogpost was more interesting. i shall create a blog to rant and rave. and i shall stop wearing skirts on a particular day of the week.
jyaaa, ne! <3
何時も同じな空の下で笑えるからさ, 5:37 pm.
